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Day 1060: Week Two
Jan. 13th, 2013 03:55 pmMy mother thought it would be really sweet if I wrote in a journal every known day of my pregnancy for my baby, and let said baby read it when he or she is older. I thought this might be a poor choice for several reasons. First of all, I am not nearly that disciplined. I used to be. As much as I enjoy my freedom from school, and actually making money is fun, there was something in the discipline for school and deadlines that kept me much more disciplined about other things in my life. I need to learn to discipline myself, because I cannot learn to budget time beyond the constraints of school, it will get away from me, and I will never get anything useful done. Also, the first few weeks of my pregnancy have not been pleasant. There's been lots of pain, stress, and irritation. Our heater broke last week. Seriously. No heat. In Idaho. In the dead of winter. When we're lucky if it hits zero. And after they got a new furnace in, they discovered that the thermostat was broken. So I barely had any heat till the night Cody got home.
Cody was gone all week. For the most part, I was abjectly lazy without him, eating leftovers and snacking on more carrots and hummus than a Greek rabbit could shake a stick at, tatting a Christmas scarf, and watching season five of BBC's Merlin. But the heater was out, and so I had no one to keep me warm. It was distressing. I spoke to my mother a lot on the phone, and to other female acquaintances of mine who have successfully grown humans themselves. They talked to me about what sort of discomfort I should expect (some said none, some said to prepare for nine months of pain and sleeplessness, which is the track my pregnancy seems to be on), what sort of baby supplies I should stock up on now (you can never start buying diapers too soon, apparently), and other things. It's been good keeping up with my mum, especially now that she's back in the country, and my sister has proved wise and friendly about this whole childbearing business. But I missed my husband fiercely. Cuddles don't make pain go away, but they do make it more bearable, and I had no cuddles. All week.
Cody and I are pretty excited and hopeful for our baby. We both intuitively agree that our firstborn will probably be a boy. My family hopes it will be a girl because they seem to think a girl will magically cure my husband of being a boy, but that's really how it works. I realize he was raised with all boys, but somehow I don't think me having a girl will suddenly make him better at girls. As it stands, I'm not so good with girls, so any daughter we have will end up a lot like Flavia De Luce, all science, practicality, and toughness, with a side of pyromania and weapon-mania to boot. She may also be a cheerleader, but that will probably be incidental to being our little ninja. Or perhaps a cunning alter ego for her ninja lifestyle. We continue to disagree on some aspects of disciplining children, but since we have the same goals in mind for our children, we will come up with a unified plan, and even if we do not always agree, we will always agree for the sake of our children, because they will not circumvent one parent by going to the other. We already have names picked out, so that shouldn't be a worry. Everything else is, mostly because we have no idea where we're going to end up for grad school. We're just waiting to hear back from grad programs at this point, and as soon as we know we will probably move so we're not moving when I'm about to have the baby.
Apparently it is customary not to announce pregnancy until one is at least three months along, but...this is our first one, and we're pretty excited. We celebrated by going to see Wreck It Ralph at the theater and having pizza. It was good times. The movie was funny and sweet and we had a good time.
I had a long and interesting discussion with my soul-sister, BenTen, who had a religious awakening over the Christmas break. I suspect said religious awakening will result in wiccan protection signals being painted on my baby bump in henna in the months to come, but I respect anyone who has an epiphany and then does something about it. Despite both of us coming from very different religious backgrounds, we came to several agreements:
1 - religion should be reasonable and logical. Granted, the logic behind it will rely on premises probably not supported by science, but then religion isn't science. A true religion should have just that - truth. Truth is reason, and light, and knowledge, and if you cannot articulate your beliefs with logic, whatever the premises of your logic may be, you're probably not doing it right. If you have not taken the time to understand how your religion works sufficient to have logical answers to questions people may have, you probably do not know your religions as well as you ought.
2 - religion is not coercion and slavery. Many people refuse to follow a religion because it requires effort and sacrifice, like attending a worship service of some sort, or taking time out of our own schedules to do charity work, or perhaps serve a mission or what have you. And they seem to think that making those sacrifices is pointless, because why please God or whatever other higher power you believe is out there? Contrary to the philosophies of Neil Gaiman and other modern sci-fantasy writers, gods (BenTen and I agreed) are not fed by the power of their worshipers. Indeed, their influence and seeming power was dependent on the strength and number of their worshipers, but if gods are what we understand them to be, omniscient omnipotent beings responsible for our creation, they don't need us to worship them. After all, what did they do before we existed? No, we need to worship and love them not for their benefit but for our own. We do not go to church for their amusement, or be nice at Christmas for their entertainment, or pray because they need a power-up. We do those things because they teach us discipline, or kindness, or humility. If we do not learn that there is something bigger and better than us, we fall prey to the hubris that we are superior, that we make all rules and control all consequences and that, in the end, there is no right or wrong and we may do as we please.
3 - religion, if done properly, is perhaps one of the worthiest pursuits of human existence, but one must be able to separate the doctrine of a religion from the dogma, culture, and human failings of its subscribers. Many horrible philosophies and actions have been done in the name of religion, but they have also been done in the name of science. The aim of a true religion is the perfection of humanity by teaching kindness, humility, understanding, but also diligence, discipline, and discernment. Religion is not a buffet - you cannot pick the parts you want to follow and ignore the rest, or you're not really following it at all. The truth in a religion will not just come to you, either - you must put effort into pursuing it, learning it, and living it yourself. And if you cultivate that discipline in your personal life, it will naturally extend to your social and professional life.
I know. For most people, somewhere in the middle of 1 they probably thought tl;dr. But I appreciated how my soul-sister and I could come to these agreements even though the doctrines of our respective religions are really different. I love her dearly and I am glad for her, and she has inspired me to be better about cultivating my own religion in my life, especially now that I'm going to have a baby.
Speaking of babies, my father sent this congratulatory note:
"First, congratulations on the successful bio-implant. Here's hoping that it results in a perfect replication and completion at term!"
Only my father, the scientist, the proper son of a Victorian mother, the Englishman who is probably baffled by the thought of his youngest, his baby, having a baby. It makes me laugh pretty much every time I reread it. From now on, my baby's nickname, until we know its gender and can assign a proper name, is Bio-Implant.
For a moment or two, when I first read the email, I thought my mother had erroneously told him I needed a pacemaker.
Cody was gone all week. For the most part, I was abjectly lazy without him, eating leftovers and snacking on more carrots and hummus than a Greek rabbit could shake a stick at, tatting a Christmas scarf, and watching season five of BBC's Merlin. But the heater was out, and so I had no one to keep me warm. It was distressing. I spoke to my mother a lot on the phone, and to other female acquaintances of mine who have successfully grown humans themselves. They talked to me about what sort of discomfort I should expect (some said none, some said to prepare for nine months of pain and sleeplessness, which is the track my pregnancy seems to be on), what sort of baby supplies I should stock up on now (you can never start buying diapers too soon, apparently), and other things. It's been good keeping up with my mum, especially now that she's back in the country, and my sister has proved wise and friendly about this whole childbearing business. But I missed my husband fiercely. Cuddles don't make pain go away, but they do make it more bearable, and I had no cuddles. All week.
Cody and I are pretty excited and hopeful for our baby. We both intuitively agree that our firstborn will probably be a boy. My family hopes it will be a girl because they seem to think a girl will magically cure my husband of being a boy, but that's really how it works. I realize he was raised with all boys, but somehow I don't think me having a girl will suddenly make him better at girls. As it stands, I'm not so good with girls, so any daughter we have will end up a lot like Flavia De Luce, all science, practicality, and toughness, with a side of pyromania and weapon-mania to boot. She may also be a cheerleader, but that will probably be incidental to being our little ninja. Or perhaps a cunning alter ego for her ninja lifestyle. We continue to disagree on some aspects of disciplining children, but since we have the same goals in mind for our children, we will come up with a unified plan, and even if we do not always agree, we will always agree for the sake of our children, because they will not circumvent one parent by going to the other. We already have names picked out, so that shouldn't be a worry. Everything else is, mostly because we have no idea where we're going to end up for grad school. We're just waiting to hear back from grad programs at this point, and as soon as we know we will probably move so we're not moving when I'm about to have the baby.
Apparently it is customary not to announce pregnancy until one is at least three months along, but...this is our first one, and we're pretty excited. We celebrated by going to see Wreck It Ralph at the theater and having pizza. It was good times. The movie was funny and sweet and we had a good time.
I had a long and interesting discussion with my soul-sister, BenTen, who had a religious awakening over the Christmas break. I suspect said religious awakening will result in wiccan protection signals being painted on my baby bump in henna in the months to come, but I respect anyone who has an epiphany and then does something about it. Despite both of us coming from very different religious backgrounds, we came to several agreements:
1 - religion should be reasonable and logical. Granted, the logic behind it will rely on premises probably not supported by science, but then religion isn't science. A true religion should have just that - truth. Truth is reason, and light, and knowledge, and if you cannot articulate your beliefs with logic, whatever the premises of your logic may be, you're probably not doing it right. If you have not taken the time to understand how your religion works sufficient to have logical answers to questions people may have, you probably do not know your religions as well as you ought.
2 - religion is not coercion and slavery. Many people refuse to follow a religion because it requires effort and sacrifice, like attending a worship service of some sort, or taking time out of our own schedules to do charity work, or perhaps serve a mission or what have you. And they seem to think that making those sacrifices is pointless, because why please God or whatever other higher power you believe is out there? Contrary to the philosophies of Neil Gaiman and other modern sci-fantasy writers, gods (BenTen and I agreed) are not fed by the power of their worshipers. Indeed, their influence and seeming power was dependent on the strength and number of their worshipers, but if gods are what we understand them to be, omniscient omnipotent beings responsible for our creation, they don't need us to worship them. After all, what did they do before we existed? No, we need to worship and love them not for their benefit but for our own. We do not go to church for their amusement, or be nice at Christmas for their entertainment, or pray because they need a power-up. We do those things because they teach us discipline, or kindness, or humility. If we do not learn that there is something bigger and better than us, we fall prey to the hubris that we are superior, that we make all rules and control all consequences and that, in the end, there is no right or wrong and we may do as we please.
3 - religion, if done properly, is perhaps one of the worthiest pursuits of human existence, but one must be able to separate the doctrine of a religion from the dogma, culture, and human failings of its subscribers. Many horrible philosophies and actions have been done in the name of religion, but they have also been done in the name of science. The aim of a true religion is the perfection of humanity by teaching kindness, humility, understanding, but also diligence, discipline, and discernment. Religion is not a buffet - you cannot pick the parts you want to follow and ignore the rest, or you're not really following it at all. The truth in a religion will not just come to you, either - you must put effort into pursuing it, learning it, and living it yourself. And if you cultivate that discipline in your personal life, it will naturally extend to your social and professional life.
I know. For most people, somewhere in the middle of 1 they probably thought tl;dr. But I appreciated how my soul-sister and I could come to these agreements even though the doctrines of our respective religions are really different. I love her dearly and I am glad for her, and she has inspired me to be better about cultivating my own religion in my life, especially now that I'm going to have a baby.
Speaking of babies, my father sent this congratulatory note:
"First, congratulations on the successful bio-implant. Here's hoping that it results in a perfect replication and completion at term!"
Only my father, the scientist, the proper son of a Victorian mother, the Englishman who is probably baffled by the thought of his youngest, his baby, having a baby. It makes me laugh pretty much every time I reread it. From now on, my baby's nickname, until we know its gender and can assign a proper name, is Bio-Implant.
For a moment or two, when I first read the email, I thought my mother had erroneously told him I needed a pacemaker.
