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Day 1061: Week Four (or is it six?)
Jan. 27th, 2013 09:35 pmI totally forgot to write last week. I think we were out of the house on the Sunday when I usually write, so I just kind of...didn't. A couple of weeks ago it was freezing and I was full of nausea and cramps and generally grumpy about this pregnancy business. As it turns out, until I go to a doctor, I don't really know how far along I am or when I'm due, but apparently typical pregnancy math is to assume you're two weeks along when a home test comes up positive, so I'm about five or six weeks along. It's super trippy. I know, logically, that I'm pregnant. But...I can't feel the baby yet, and I don't really look pregnant, and there's nothing to see on an ultrasound anyway. So it's not quite real. My mom sent me some baby books to fill out, so we've been doing our best to take notes and pictures and stuff, but it's still kind of surreal. It was a little less surreal when I got a box on my doorstep full of baby stuff. My mom sent a whole bunch of baby outfits (how do real humans fit into those?) as well as some burp cloths, bibs, and wash cloths she made herself out of really cute flannel fabric. She also sent the first of three blankets she's making for the baby. I'm making a baby afghan for my coworker girl Cory, who is having a baby a couple of months before me. For years I've crocheted baby stuff, but this is the first time I've ever made baby stuff for myself, and it's kinda weird. I have all kinds of plans to make super cute stuff for my kid, and I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl yet. We're thinking boy, but we're not sure.
This week I've felt a lot better - I've had more energy and less weird food cravings. I can eat normal food again. Some smells make me seriously sick. I was on my way into the supermarket to pick up some food because Cody was coming home from working out of town, and a woman in front of me was smoking. Usually when I smell a specific brand of menthol cigarettes, they just remind me of an old ex of mine. This time they just made me want to hurl. I've had to duck out of church meetings and the like several times because the nausea has gotten the better of me. But on Thursday I had enough energy to go out to kenpo with the boys, who were glad to see me again. They thought I'd caught a cold over winter, but they were pretty pleased to hear the news, and also good about letting me out of technique line, because face it, there's nothing good about hitting a pregnant chick. I missed dancing last week because I'm starting to pick up bankruptcy cases for my boss, which is exciting new legal knowledge, but I'll be dancing this week, and I'm super excited. I need to get back to memorizing choreography. It's important for dance as well as kenpo. Sometimes baby brain gets the better of me, and once or twice at work in the last week I was super confused about where I was and what I was doing. Not a happy way to be. No wonder men got so protective of pregnant women. You never know when one of us is going to wander away from the camp and get lost.
Cody has been super sweet, giving me foot rubs and back rubs and taking me to restaurants when I get weird cravings. I think we're both pretty excited for the baby. My mom bought my sister's old stroller and car seat for us, which was super nice, because my sister always gets top-of-the-line stuff, but then my sister and her husband are trying for a new kid, so I'm not sure why they're giving up their newborn supplies, but oh well. My sister also likes stuff that's brand new. We're amassing baby stuff way faster than I thought we would. It's kinda wigging me out, but it's good to be prepared, too.
I need to finish my stupid novel, but it's not happening. So close, and yet so far. And then I think I'll write another one before I come back and do edits. BenTen told me she got the first chapter in from one of our writers. I need to check it out and see if it's any good. I hope it is. I was a bit alarmed when she told me the chapter arrived and then an hour or so later her Facebook status was a multitude of expletives. As it turned out, she was having health problems, but for a moment or two there I thought the writing might have been really, really bad. My brother-in-law got Cody an RC helicopter for Christmas, so now when I'm sitting around doing chores and writing and the like, the little thing will occasionally buzz over my head before landing. Usually badly.
Today in church the ladies were talking about loving people and seeing them for their eternal and divine potential rather than where they are now. It's so easy to say that, but then I know plenty of good Christian people balk at criminals and defense lawyers. I trained to be a prosecutor in school, but when I graduated the first job I picked up was mainly in criminal defense. In my time I've come face-to-face with more criminals than your average citizen ever does. I've looked into the eyes of a man who's killed other men in cold blood and talked to him. And you know what? He was a person. The law is the best system we have to impose judgment and protect average citizens from those who seem to disregard our rights and security, but the law isn't perfect, the judgment we lay on them isn't eternal. How can I find it in myself to stand beside a criminal and speak on his behalf? Sometimes a defense lawyer is all a guy has. On TV sometimes you see criminals with loving mothers or girlfriends who refuse to leave their side, but more often than not the guy's on his own, and me in my little suit with my leaky pen and creaking briefcase is all he has in his corner. It's my job as a defender to help the jury and judge understand where my client, a person, is coming from. Maybe his childhood isn't an excuse for what he did, but it can help us understand why he did it and maybe help us help him so he doesn't do it again. I know when I was in college people were horrified that at least half of my pen pals were prison inmates. But they were people, and they were nice to me, and they weren't all creepy pervs (one of them was a friend's older brother), and one year they were the only ones who sent me birthday cards (it was the year I had my appendix out, and I was feeling pretty sorry for myself). So I wonder how many of my nice Christian friends would hire an ex-con, or even speak to one, or go visit one?
...I'd write a prison inmate again, but a quick check of prison inmate penpal sites just makes all of them look kinda skeevy. On the other hand, if your brother or sister is in prison and you're too lazy to write them, you know where to find me. (That is totally how I got my first prison pen pal. We talked on the phone while I was playing Tekken and beating his little brother down.)
This week I've felt a lot better - I've had more energy and less weird food cravings. I can eat normal food again. Some smells make me seriously sick. I was on my way into the supermarket to pick up some food because Cody was coming home from working out of town, and a woman in front of me was smoking. Usually when I smell a specific brand of menthol cigarettes, they just remind me of an old ex of mine. This time they just made me want to hurl. I've had to duck out of church meetings and the like several times because the nausea has gotten the better of me. But on Thursday I had enough energy to go out to kenpo with the boys, who were glad to see me again. They thought I'd caught a cold over winter, but they were pretty pleased to hear the news, and also good about letting me out of technique line, because face it, there's nothing good about hitting a pregnant chick. I missed dancing last week because I'm starting to pick up bankruptcy cases for my boss, which is exciting new legal knowledge, but I'll be dancing this week, and I'm super excited. I need to get back to memorizing choreography. It's important for dance as well as kenpo. Sometimes baby brain gets the better of me, and once or twice at work in the last week I was super confused about where I was and what I was doing. Not a happy way to be. No wonder men got so protective of pregnant women. You never know when one of us is going to wander away from the camp and get lost.
Cody has been super sweet, giving me foot rubs and back rubs and taking me to restaurants when I get weird cravings. I think we're both pretty excited for the baby. My mom bought my sister's old stroller and car seat for us, which was super nice, because my sister always gets top-of-the-line stuff, but then my sister and her husband are trying for a new kid, so I'm not sure why they're giving up their newborn supplies, but oh well. My sister also likes stuff that's brand new. We're amassing baby stuff way faster than I thought we would. It's kinda wigging me out, but it's good to be prepared, too.
I need to finish my stupid novel, but it's not happening. So close, and yet so far. And then I think I'll write another one before I come back and do edits. BenTen told me she got the first chapter in from one of our writers. I need to check it out and see if it's any good. I hope it is. I was a bit alarmed when she told me the chapter arrived and then an hour or so later her Facebook status was a multitude of expletives. As it turned out, she was having health problems, but for a moment or two there I thought the writing might have been really, really bad. My brother-in-law got Cody an RC helicopter for Christmas, so now when I'm sitting around doing chores and writing and the like, the little thing will occasionally buzz over my head before landing. Usually badly.
Today in church the ladies were talking about loving people and seeing them for their eternal and divine potential rather than where they are now. It's so easy to say that, but then I know plenty of good Christian people balk at criminals and defense lawyers. I trained to be a prosecutor in school, but when I graduated the first job I picked up was mainly in criminal defense. In my time I've come face-to-face with more criminals than your average citizen ever does. I've looked into the eyes of a man who's killed other men in cold blood and talked to him. And you know what? He was a person. The law is the best system we have to impose judgment and protect average citizens from those who seem to disregard our rights and security, but the law isn't perfect, the judgment we lay on them isn't eternal. How can I find it in myself to stand beside a criminal and speak on his behalf? Sometimes a defense lawyer is all a guy has. On TV sometimes you see criminals with loving mothers or girlfriends who refuse to leave their side, but more often than not the guy's on his own, and me in my little suit with my leaky pen and creaking briefcase is all he has in his corner. It's my job as a defender to help the jury and judge understand where my client, a person, is coming from. Maybe his childhood isn't an excuse for what he did, but it can help us understand why he did it and maybe help us help him so he doesn't do it again. I know when I was in college people were horrified that at least half of my pen pals were prison inmates. But they were people, and they were nice to me, and they weren't all creepy pervs (one of them was a friend's older brother), and one year they were the only ones who sent me birthday cards (it was the year I had my appendix out, and I was feeling pretty sorry for myself). So I wonder how many of my nice Christian friends would hire an ex-con, or even speak to one, or go visit one?
...I'd write a prison inmate again, but a quick check of prison inmate penpal sites just makes all of them look kinda skeevy. On the other hand, if your brother or sister is in prison and you're too lazy to write them, you know where to find me. (That is totally how I got my first prison pen pal. We talked on the phone while I was playing Tekken and beating his little brother down.)
