nagi_schwarz | Day 1335: Snakes in the Grass

Four full days of court plus one full day of headache made for a pretty tiring week, no lies.

Also, I hate being angry. It takes energy. It's draining and it's poisonous. Spent a good chunk of last week angry, and that wasn't fun at all.

First: goal check-in.

Spirituality! Better and worse. Feeling still kinda spiritually shaky, partially because I'm not great at doing the basics, but also because the further I get into this job the more I feel like it's kinda killing my soul. Gotta hang on till my man graduates, though. On the other hand, we have been better about reading our scriptures together, so yay!

Working out! Er, also better and worse. I picked up the intensity by adding Dungeon Runner to the mix, but I also just straight up didn't work out on Thursday and Friday, which probably didn't help my mood. That's the thing about moods and exercise - exercise helps mood, but when you're not in a good mood, you don't want to exercise. Cody and I have been eating healthier, though, cooking more. Granted, we did go to a party on Friday and ate out on Saturday, but overall we did pretty good.

Work! I continue to be lame at studying. Really, really need to just push forward on that. So hard to care on the days when I have nothing scheduled, and the truth about days when nothing gets scheduled is that things fill up my schedule anyway.

Writing! Well, I am meeting my word count goals. I am also sending myself out of my comfort zone with the aim of stretching and growing as a writer. What happened was I made myself cry in the hallway at court because of one thing I wrote. I inadvertently started a new 'verse. I continue to roll my eyes at how the stories I'm best at, my main fandom, get relatively low (but very loyal) attention, but as soon as I dare to dip my toes into a much more popular fandom, people are on board. Oh well.

Things I learned this week:

Dealing with politicians is exactly as advertised. Guy lied to my face (or rather he lied directly to me on the phone). I felt like I needed to shower after I got done talking to him, because...ew. He was pushy and manipulative and it was irritating.

Timing is key when it comes to emotional reactions. The thing about my job is that I have to be on, like a performance. So I got landed with some really, really heavy information about ten minutes before I had to get to court, so instead of crying at my desk like any normal person would've, I had to pack up and head to court and get my game face on. And that information - it sat inside of me, and it festered. And it grew. And when it finally came out, I was kind of a wreck. True fact: bottling your emotions is a bad idea.

I already know this about myself: it's hard for me to let go and cry over the thing that made me cry. But if I know I need to cry, I can usually find something to make me cry.

Also, I totally saw a neighbor of mine at the courthouse. I knew she was having a rough time of things with her ex over her kids. Didn't realize it had turned into a three-day trial. Everyone at church said her ex was a real piece of work. Everyone at court said the same thing. By the mouths of two witnesses and all that.

Awesome things this week:

I'm a pretty good actress. Even though I spent most of afternoon court furious on Monday, apparently I kept enough of a game face on that an observer thought I was "pleasant".

EmailGate, or that time the state bar office sent an email with a picture of a topless woman included to every attorney licensed to practice in the state. Bonus points for the judge opening that email in the courtroom between hearings and having a freakout. Cody's been calling it the State Topless Bar ever since. We get our laughter when we can.

Tuesday night teaminess: Sei and I continue our SGA rewatch, complete with appreciation of the costume/prop mistress who gave John Sheppard those awesome sunglasses.

Cody making me laugh. He was telling me that he's hoping to get a paper published in Applied Surface Science. But you bet he used the acronym instead. Because he's him.

Hanging out with family. Cody and I went to my bio uncle's birthday party. Apparently it was originally supposed to be just a small family affair, but it turned into a huge event. There was lots of delicious food, and we met nice people, and overall it was a good experience. My family is super nice people, and they have nice friends.

Hanging out with friends. Went to the movies with my girls on Saturday, me and Sei and Naomi and Rose, and then we went out for food after. Pretty sure most people who went to see The Shape of Water were interested in its Oscar Potential. We went because we love Rodney McKay. I have awesome friends. It was good times.

Starting a new blog with my girl Sei. Really just the both of us doing our best to be grateful every day, and also being accountable to each other while we're at it.

Last week was pretty heavy, pretty rough, but I made it through. This week I'm looking forward to more bobbin lace lessons, nerd time with Sei, a Bon Jovi concert, a bellydancing festival, and also maybe some MMA fights.