Day 1294: The Long Haul

[nagi_schwarz]

Last week was a long week. Being in court every day is pretty darn rough,
and I had four mediations in two days, including one day where I almost got
neither breakfast nor lunch. I had an adoption on Monday, which was nice,
because permanency was a long time coming for that kid.

I basically made a mother cry on Wednesday because I was hungry. Granted,
she wasn't doing well, and I made a tactical decision to be mean in a hope
that she will understand the severity of her situation and do better
(everyone else was much nicer to her), but still. Probably didn't need to
make her cry.

I always told myself I didn't understand what it was like to be an addict,
not being an addict myself. I mean, sure, we throw around that platitude,
everyone's an addict, everyone's addicted to something (Netflix, chocolate)
but I guess I never appreciated just how much my body can rule my mind and
not the other way around.

I finished Season 2 of The Night Shift, and between the episode with Annie
coming back into town to cause trouble for TC and just my work in general
(street prices of heroin are still low, and all of the lawyers for one
mediation were too Christian and too conservative and too *nice* to know
why squares of foil with black squares drawn on them constituted drug
paraphernalia), I had a hideously vivid nightmare about running into an old
ex of mine who had a serious drug problem, and by all Facebook accounts
(because Facebook is the TRUTH about other people's lives) he's doing fine,
but in the dream he'd relapsed on heroin pretty badly and the dream
just...haunted me for days after.

And then on Sunday I fell asleep on the couch while listening to Gershwin
on the piano and had a very vivid dream about Cody's friend Pat (who plays
the piano beautifully) playing that Gershwin piece. And then the basement
we were hanging out in while he was playing got attacked by a serial
killer. For reals. My dreams sometimes.

As long as the week was, the weekend was a good one. Cody and I went to see
the new Guardians of the Galaxy film on Friday night, which was super fun
times.

Saturday we woke up late, had a big brunch, did yard work, and then Naomi
and I went dress shopping. Usually I hate clothes shopping, but Naomi and I
make a good team. I have this weird habit of making up backstories for ugly
outfits and dresses, like, "That dress makes you look like an underpaid
cranky secretary," and, "In that outfit, you look like a vision of a Greek
goddess. An LSD-induced vision. It's the swirling colors." Naomi says
sometime we should deliberately try on ugly outfits, take pictures of them,
and then post them, with their backstories.

We went to the symphony, which was so amazing. El Salon Mexico, for Cinco
de Mayo (because the same concert happened the night before), Gershwin's
Rhapsody in Blue, which was amazing. And then Rimsky-Korsakov's
Scheherezade, which was so, so good. The concermaster's violin solos were
so amazing. Loved it.

After, we went to dinner, the same Greek Restaurant we both like.

Sunday was a chill day. Slept late. Went to church. Was a bit cranky that
Cody had volunteered us to teach the 6-year-olds, and there was a scramble
for the lesson, but it ended up being good. The kids had lots and lots of
fun, trying on Cody's welding safety gear (it was an object lesson) and
then we had sharing time, which was us mostly supervising the kids as we
colored.

And Sharing time was good (songs, happy messages) until they started
talking about Mother's Day. And I had a panic attack.

Fled to the bathroom and cried for a little bit.

Gonna be skipping church next week, that's for sure. But I have plans for
other people's Mother's Days, cards and flowers and stuff. Mother's Day at
church is the worst for me, for reals.

Cody and I had potato bombs for dinner, and then my mother called to tell
me that my sister walked out on her man and two kids.

So...Cody and I folded the laundry and watched Bend It Like Beckham. (After
my mother and I had a serious talk about divorces and custody and other
things.)

This week looks lighter than last week, so I am glad. The AC adapter on my
laptop blew out Thursday, and thanks to the magic of Amazon Prime I got a
new one delivered on Sunday, and now - I am back and wired and writing.
Here's to a new week!

Comments

[smallhobbit]

The concert sounds lovely. I've only heard Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue once, but I'd love to do so again.

[tetsubinatu]

Wow on your sister. Did you feel surprised?

It's interesting when we realise something new about ourselves when we're older. Maybe time to keep muesli bars in your bag routinely?

[nagi_schwarz]

Am I surprised about my sister? No. I mean, I didn't see it coming, but I'm not surprised. I kind of feel awful for not being surprised, but I'm not.

When I was younger, I never got hungry. My friends and family had to remind me to eat. When all my friends were freaking out about their freshman 15 (and the 1L 20) I was losing weight, not gaining it. Never got hangry either.

My appetite changed in the last five years - maybe me getting older, maybe me getting pregnant - and so I'm trying to learn my body's new patterns. Just when I thought I had myself all figured out, too.