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1. No matter what the gift wrapper says, he does not enjoy wrapping awkwardly-shaped packages. No one likes that. Not even a gift wrapper who can fold giant paper pyramids. "Wrap it pretty," when repeated enough times, can earn even the nicest guy a black eye.

2. Never consider yourself in good luck when Lisann the one-handed guy says, "I have a plan!"

3. Always make sure your DM knows the names of all his monsters.
For example:

DM: "There's a leak in the fountain...Um. None of you are worried?"
Player 1: "Okay. I poke my sorcerer's staff into the leak. Does that stop it?"
DM: "It casts [spell of doom] and you take [X] damage and lose [X] levels."
Player 2: "What?"
...much chaos later...
Player 1: "Wait, how do you spell that?"
DM: "Leak. L-I-C-H. Leak."
Playerb 2: "Lich! There's a lich!"

4. Always make sure your players know what does and does not constitute a monster.
For example:

Player 1: "I run a spot check. [rolls] 27. What do I see?"
DM: "There's a gazebo."
Player 1: "Does it see me?"
DM: "What? It's a gazebo."
Player 1: "Can I run a sense motive on it?"
Player 2: "It's a friggin GAZEBO!"
Player 1: "Okay. I'm going to draw my bow and shoot. I have quick shot - I can shoot four arrows. [rolls] I hit. 34 damage. Does that hurt it?"
DM: "...No."
...much chaos later...
DM: "I guess it's a good thing I didn't tell him it was on a grassy knoll."

5. Always know your blood type. It comes in handy for fan-girl moments.
For example:

"Prince Yuki! My name is Suzume Harada and I'm in the third year! My blood type is B-negative and - [ends with a violent tackle and thump, courtesy of the Prince Yuki fan-club.]"

6. Like the t-shirts say, when the guy labeled 'bomb technician' comes running by, it really is best to try and keep up with him.

7. When your mage storyteller says, "You know what? That paradox comes back to get you. RIGHT NOW!" you'd better hope he knows what mercy is.

8. The word "botch" after a long series of rolls means BAD THINGS will happen. To you. And depending on how badly you dropped your weapon, the people around you, too.

9. The world has way too many Sailor Moon Christmas carols. MAKE IT STOP!

10. When Nagi is this bored, something in the world is very, very wrong.

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October 2019

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