Day 920: Of Burning Out and Burning Bright
Jul. 5th, 2010 08:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nagi_schwarzHardcore Bar Prep Day 33:
Monday was a long day, but not as long as today. The lecture was on Family Law, which I managed to get read that morning. I wasn't too worried because I took marriage & divorce in law school, and even though it was my worst grade ever, it's one area of law that even lay people can grasp because, let's face it, lay people get married and divorced all the time. There was no handout, which meant I had to take notes by hand, and a couple of the other girls were awesome about letting me have some paper. I took some of the prettiest notes I've ever taken, but I was still crazy sleepy, just like in law school.
In law school, I thought it was the time of day, but apparently it's the subject. I ended up coming home, eating, watching Drop Dead Diva, calling my mom, cranking out essays, and then going down to Justin's to train. We walked to the park, and we were both slow – his foot is still injured – and we trained some, mostly grappling and ground-fighting, but a few take-downs. We've decided that since my shoulders are lame, we're going to lay off dives and rolls for a while. Even though we did no punching drills, I managed to draw some blood on my knuckles anyway (I'd even picked up sports tape to wrap my knuckles in case of injury). Afterwards we talked, and it was the most comfortable we've been, I think. We talked music (he's learning to play the guitar and is interested in a little Eternal Melody from Yoshiki) and then I drove home, hauled myself into bed.
Highway construction in Utah is evil.
Hardcore Bar Prep Day 34:
Officially the worst day ever. I was exhausted when I hauled my sad self out of bed. Hit the hot chocolate early. Lecture was live and brief, given that the outline was 38 pages long, and our lecturer was lively, funny. Afterwards I took an ill-advised excursion on SLC public transport to pick up a delivery of comic books. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was me overthinking all the homework I have to do, but I couldn't concentrate at all today. I ended up starting to watch Kyle XY, which isn't well-acted but is intriguing anyway (I totally blame this on Kris-not-Curry), and I took a nap. I watched some more. Ate some food while playing jeopardy. Started on some more lace. Pushed myself through three quizzes (I read for Con Law while on the buses, so I wasn't a complete intellectual sloth today). I did well on Con Law and terribly on the first mixed MBE set but rocked the second set, which is supposed to be harder, so my better performance is seriously counterintuitive. I really, really wanted to call Cody, and I wanted to cry today too, but I figured since I was in such a crazy mood I'd better not bother anyone.
I'm going to work my tail off tomorrow so I can have dinner with my sister and her husband despite the fact that it seems her invitation came with an ulterior motive. Some days I feel confident about the bar, too confident, and that worries me, and other days I regret going to law school at all.
One way or another, I'm going to make it.
Hardcore Bar Prep Day 35:
So today was the last day of lecture. It was short. It felt like the end of an era, me getting out of bed with the sun and walking down to Trax, going down to the law school. It'll be the last time I see a fellow class of 2010 grad on a regular basis. Kent and I will likely give each other panicked phone calls once in a blue moon, but it's like school's finally done; no more hanging out with the gang from the corner.
I came home and called my mom and had lunch. Watched an episode of Kyle XY before buckling down and reviewing three quizzes. Took a nap, forced out three essays, and then went to hang out with Shannon and Wayne. It was fun. I got to see Audi again, which was awesome, although it also means that I am covered in dog hair. We had Chinese take-out and played through some God of War 3 that Shaz bought to celebrate her newly-acquired PS3. Even though I had some issues at the beginning, and we hit up the strat guide a couple of times when we got stuck on puzzles, I actually had a pretty good run of not-dying (you had to give up the controller whenever you died), but I relinquished it in favor of talking to Cody. Hearing that boy's voice makes me smile pretty much every time.
I'm excited to see him this weekend. Tomorrow and Friday, though, I need to buckle down and work hard. Even though I looked back on yesterday and realized that I did work hard, I didn't do all I wanted to. I figure tonight is my last night of freedom so I can do what I need to do before going to Cody's for the weekend and before the scariness truly begins. Memorization, here I come.
Bar Prep Day Counting Suspended:
So...Thursday I beat my way through an MBE. I didn't do well at all with the studying, and I was shooting for a 60% on the practice MBE but only made 50%. I got wrong mostly torts questions, as well as real property questions, so I know what I need to study, but it was really, really disheartening. I wanted to call someone – Ericka, Angela, Cody – but I didn't want to bother anyone with my laziness, so I sucked it up and went to the temple with Kelsey (which was awesome and also scary short – 30 minutes, tops) and then studied in the evening. I was up ridiculously late reading, though.
So...Friday I worked hard. Burned through four MEEs and one MPT and then got packed. I ended up getting my car washed and driving up to Blackfoot with Kelsey, one of my roommates (the one I go to the temple with). We talked and laughed and listened to music, and it was fun getting to know her better. Poor Kelsey had to try to navigate my touch screen on my phone to send text messages to Cody for me, but we managed to find the glass shop where he works. I got a hug in greeting, but then Kelsey was there, and I think Cody and I are doomed to have an audience whenever it's most inconvenient. We dropped Kelsey at her parents' place, and then we went back to the shop, and he showed me around. I met his dad and a couple of his coworkers. And...he showed me the present he made me. He mentioned one night on the phone he was working on a secret project, but based on the facebook chatter he had going with Steven about said project, I foolishly assumed it was the spud gun he and Steven have wanted to build for...forever. But it was a pretty mirror – he'd etched designs (suns, flowers, my name) into the glass.
Yeah.
Boy officially wins.
At the risk of rambling, here's the lowdown on my Fourth of July Weekend in Idaho:
1 – I learned that I am Cody's girlfriend. Apparently he told his friends so. His friends let me know during a game of airsoft war out in Logan's fields, weaving through haystacks. I was hunkered down by a bale of hay trying to figure out how to climb it, and then I heard one of them say, "Go round that corner! You can shoot Cody's girlfriend!"
2 – I learned that Cody and I are dating. He mentioned it in the car while we were driving, in the middle of conversation, all, "Since we're dating." I was surprised that we were dating, although Angela insisted that three dates in four weeks constitutes dating. I really need to stop listening to mom and her insistence on semantics, because I figure if Cody and I are comfortable with where we are, then it works.
3 – Cody plays the piano. Beautifully. He plays by ear despite a few years of piano lessons, and he even writes his own songs. (Stephen also plays piano and writes his own songs, and he called me randomly the other day, which was bizarre. Coincidence? My life feels like a pattern that's spiraling ever inward, and with every iteration it gets a little better.)
4 – Cody plays the bass. Really well. Most musicians and artist have pretty, delicate, long-fingered hands, but Cody looks, at first blush, like every blue-collar boy my mother would recommend I not date (albeit a very handsome blue-collar boy). When he gets his hands on an instrument, though...yeah. I like me a boy with a decent sense of rhythm. (SR used to play bass, and Justin's picking up the guitar. My life is full of weird that way.)
5 – Cody likes literature. He reads Cervantes and Marquez in the original Spanish (as well as a little Neruda), and he writes poetry (he's got a good ear for a fine turn of phrase). Not only does he like literature, but he's good at discussing it. We drove out to Wolverine, hiked down a hill, watched a sunset, and talked literature. It was awesome. Also, he likes to read. We spent a couple of hours on Sunday afternoon curled up on the couch together, just reading. It was awesome. I remember how frustrated I was that my previous boyfriends couldn't just be still and silent and be with me.
6 – Cody is wicked strong. A couple of times I think he underestimated my tenacity during a game of swing derby, and he was also disappointed to learn that I am in no way ticklish, but he's strong. One night it was late and I was tired and so he picked me up and carried me to my room. As he set me down, he told me, "You don't weigh anything at all, did you know that?" I was non-plussed, partially because I kinda hate being picked up (although he didn't treat me like I was five, which was nice), and also...I'm pretty sure I've been trying to lose weight all summer. When I informed Angela of this, she also informed me, "Well, a different black belt did once tell you that you're tiny." (Said black belt can also pick me up and carry me, but that's neither here nor there.)
7 – Cody has a very quirky sense of humour. Between movies like Better Off Dead and Nacho Libre (he apologized and said I'd lose a couple of IQ points but it was funny because he'd lived in Mexico for two years) and watching him joke with his father and brother (his younger brother is fighting fires in Arizona), I've come to realize that his sense is to my sense of humour as Tom Stoppard is to Shakespeare, if you catch my drift. As much as he jibes his dad and brothers, he's good to his family, to his mother and grandmother especially (his grandmother says she has no favourites, but if she did, it'd be Cody).
8 – Cody's a faithful guy. I'm always nervous that a guy is either going to end up not as faithful as he seems (read: my first college boyfriend) or scary faithful and holier-than-thou (read: occasionally like my dad). Cody is neither. He's got a quiet, steady faith that's pretty much unwavering. But he's not so dogmatic in the faith that he's close-minded and unrelenting when it comes to people who don't believe the same.
9 – Cody's a good teacher. His friend Steven left behind his .22 rifle so we could go shooting. Apart from knowing how to load and pull the trigger, I was no good. But Cody showed me how to aim properly, and I actually managed to hit a decent number of targets. Angela pointed out that he does teach other things. My mother (who I called on the drive home, thanks to awesome hands free earphones-and-mic combo from Rowsdower) was mostly glad I let him into my personal space. Also, he taught me how to drive a stick shift. I was pretty decent at second gear and above, but I nearly killed his car in first gear. He was patient and understanding and explained things well, though.
10 – fun things this weekend include playing airsoft war with his friends, watching movies, going shooting, watching the sunset from Wolvering, hanging out and reading, watching the fireworks up in Idaho Falls on the 3rd (he held my hand as we walked the green belt, which was the first time ever), listening to him play piano, eating breakfast with his grandma and talking crossword trivia (somehow I know what the capital of Tibet is – I think it has to do with Megan liking dogs, which seems unrelated, I know), walking around the park in the sun, playing on the swings.
Also...I finally kissed him. And I do mean I kissed him. It was on Saturday night. He went to hug me, so I just leaned up on my toes and kissed him. It was brief, but sweet, and he was kind of smiling goofily as he left. But then he kissed me goodnight on Sunday, and goodbye today. I tell myself I'd have gotten a better kiss if his grandmother's neighbours hadn't been watching. Curling up with him on the couch watching movies was the best thing ever (Treasure Planet was surprisingly good, as was 1941), because he's warm and sprawls like a big cat and lets me play with his hair, and he pets my hair, and I'm not gonna lie, if his parents hadn't also been watching movies with us, we'd have been snogging on the couch like a pair of teenagers. At least, that was my plan. He seems too polite for that at this point.
Still. I need to get some homework done if I want to be able to call him tomorrow night.
Monday was a long day, but not as long as today. The lecture was on Family Law, which I managed to get read that morning. I wasn't too worried because I took marriage & divorce in law school, and even though it was my worst grade ever, it's one area of law that even lay people can grasp because, let's face it, lay people get married and divorced all the time. There was no handout, which meant I had to take notes by hand, and a couple of the other girls were awesome about letting me have some paper. I took some of the prettiest notes I've ever taken, but I was still crazy sleepy, just like in law school.
In law school, I thought it was the time of day, but apparently it's the subject. I ended up coming home, eating, watching Drop Dead Diva, calling my mom, cranking out essays, and then going down to Justin's to train. We walked to the park, and we were both slow – his foot is still injured – and we trained some, mostly grappling and ground-fighting, but a few take-downs. We've decided that since my shoulders are lame, we're going to lay off dives and rolls for a while. Even though we did no punching drills, I managed to draw some blood on my knuckles anyway (I'd even picked up sports tape to wrap my knuckles in case of injury). Afterwards we talked, and it was the most comfortable we've been, I think. We talked music (he's learning to play the guitar and is interested in a little Eternal Melody from Yoshiki) and then I drove home, hauled myself into bed.
Highway construction in Utah is evil.
Hardcore Bar Prep Day 34:
Officially the worst day ever. I was exhausted when I hauled my sad self out of bed. Hit the hot chocolate early. Lecture was live and brief, given that the outline was 38 pages long, and our lecturer was lively, funny. Afterwards I took an ill-advised excursion on SLC public transport to pick up a delivery of comic books. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was me overthinking all the homework I have to do, but I couldn't concentrate at all today. I ended up starting to watch Kyle XY, which isn't well-acted but is intriguing anyway (I totally blame this on Kris-not-Curry), and I took a nap. I watched some more. Ate some food while playing jeopardy. Started on some more lace. Pushed myself through three quizzes (I read for Con Law while on the buses, so I wasn't a complete intellectual sloth today). I did well on Con Law and terribly on the first mixed MBE set but rocked the second set, which is supposed to be harder, so my better performance is seriously counterintuitive. I really, really wanted to call Cody, and I wanted to cry today too, but I figured since I was in such a crazy mood I'd better not bother anyone.
I'm going to work my tail off tomorrow so I can have dinner with my sister and her husband despite the fact that it seems her invitation came with an ulterior motive. Some days I feel confident about the bar, too confident, and that worries me, and other days I regret going to law school at all.
One way or another, I'm going to make it.
Hardcore Bar Prep Day 35:
So today was the last day of lecture. It was short. It felt like the end of an era, me getting out of bed with the sun and walking down to Trax, going down to the law school. It'll be the last time I see a fellow class of 2010 grad on a regular basis. Kent and I will likely give each other panicked phone calls once in a blue moon, but it's like school's finally done; no more hanging out with the gang from the corner.
I came home and called my mom and had lunch. Watched an episode of Kyle XY before buckling down and reviewing three quizzes. Took a nap, forced out three essays, and then went to hang out with Shannon and Wayne. It was fun. I got to see Audi again, which was awesome, although it also means that I am covered in dog hair. We had Chinese take-out and played through some God of War 3 that Shaz bought to celebrate her newly-acquired PS3. Even though I had some issues at the beginning, and we hit up the strat guide a couple of times when we got stuck on puzzles, I actually had a pretty good run of not-dying (you had to give up the controller whenever you died), but I relinquished it in favor of talking to Cody. Hearing that boy's voice makes me smile pretty much every time.
I'm excited to see him this weekend. Tomorrow and Friday, though, I need to buckle down and work hard. Even though I looked back on yesterday and realized that I did work hard, I didn't do all I wanted to. I figure tonight is my last night of freedom so I can do what I need to do before going to Cody's for the weekend and before the scariness truly begins. Memorization, here I come.
Bar Prep Day Counting Suspended:
So...Thursday I beat my way through an MBE. I didn't do well at all with the studying, and I was shooting for a 60% on the practice MBE but only made 50%. I got wrong mostly torts questions, as well as real property questions, so I know what I need to study, but it was really, really disheartening. I wanted to call someone – Ericka, Angela, Cody – but I didn't want to bother anyone with my laziness, so I sucked it up and went to the temple with Kelsey (which was awesome and also scary short – 30 minutes, tops) and then studied in the evening. I was up ridiculously late reading, though.
So...Friday I worked hard. Burned through four MEEs and one MPT and then got packed. I ended up getting my car washed and driving up to Blackfoot with Kelsey, one of my roommates (the one I go to the temple with). We talked and laughed and listened to music, and it was fun getting to know her better. Poor Kelsey had to try to navigate my touch screen on my phone to send text messages to Cody for me, but we managed to find the glass shop where he works. I got a hug in greeting, but then Kelsey was there, and I think Cody and I are doomed to have an audience whenever it's most inconvenient. We dropped Kelsey at her parents' place, and then we went back to the shop, and he showed me around. I met his dad and a couple of his coworkers. And...he showed me the present he made me. He mentioned one night on the phone he was working on a secret project, but based on the facebook chatter he had going with Steven about said project, I foolishly assumed it was the spud gun he and Steven have wanted to build for...forever. But it was a pretty mirror – he'd etched designs (suns, flowers, my name) into the glass.
Yeah.
Boy officially wins.
At the risk of rambling, here's the lowdown on my Fourth of July Weekend in Idaho:
1 – I learned that I am Cody's girlfriend. Apparently he told his friends so. His friends let me know during a game of airsoft war out in Logan's fields, weaving through haystacks. I was hunkered down by a bale of hay trying to figure out how to climb it, and then I heard one of them say, "Go round that corner! You can shoot Cody's girlfriend!"
2 – I learned that Cody and I are dating. He mentioned it in the car while we were driving, in the middle of conversation, all, "Since we're dating." I was surprised that we were dating, although Angela insisted that three dates in four weeks constitutes dating. I really need to stop listening to mom and her insistence on semantics, because I figure if Cody and I are comfortable with where we are, then it works.
3 – Cody plays the piano. Beautifully. He plays by ear despite a few years of piano lessons, and he even writes his own songs. (Stephen also plays piano and writes his own songs, and he called me randomly the other day, which was bizarre. Coincidence? My life feels like a pattern that's spiraling ever inward, and with every iteration it gets a little better.)
4 – Cody plays the bass. Really well. Most musicians and artist have pretty, delicate, long-fingered hands, but Cody looks, at first blush, like every blue-collar boy my mother would recommend I not date (albeit a very handsome blue-collar boy). When he gets his hands on an instrument, though...yeah. I like me a boy with a decent sense of rhythm. (SR used to play bass, and Justin's picking up the guitar. My life is full of weird that way.)
5 – Cody likes literature. He reads Cervantes and Marquez in the original Spanish (as well as a little Neruda), and he writes poetry (he's got a good ear for a fine turn of phrase). Not only does he like literature, but he's good at discussing it. We drove out to Wolverine, hiked down a hill, watched a sunset, and talked literature. It was awesome. Also, he likes to read. We spent a couple of hours on Sunday afternoon curled up on the couch together, just reading. It was awesome. I remember how frustrated I was that my previous boyfriends couldn't just be still and silent and be with me.
6 – Cody is wicked strong. A couple of times I think he underestimated my tenacity during a game of swing derby, and he was also disappointed to learn that I am in no way ticklish, but he's strong. One night it was late and I was tired and so he picked me up and carried me to my room. As he set me down, he told me, "You don't weigh anything at all, did you know that?" I was non-plussed, partially because I kinda hate being picked up (although he didn't treat me like I was five, which was nice), and also...I'm pretty sure I've been trying to lose weight all summer. When I informed Angela of this, she also informed me, "Well, a different black belt did once tell you that you're tiny." (Said black belt can also pick me up and carry me, but that's neither here nor there.)
7 – Cody has a very quirky sense of humour. Between movies like Better Off Dead and Nacho Libre (he apologized and said I'd lose a couple of IQ points but it was funny because he'd lived in Mexico for two years) and watching him joke with his father and brother (his younger brother is fighting fires in Arizona), I've come to realize that his sense is to my sense of humour as Tom Stoppard is to Shakespeare, if you catch my drift. As much as he jibes his dad and brothers, he's good to his family, to his mother and grandmother especially (his grandmother says she has no favourites, but if she did, it'd be Cody).
8 – Cody's a faithful guy. I'm always nervous that a guy is either going to end up not as faithful as he seems (read: my first college boyfriend) or scary faithful and holier-than-thou (read: occasionally like my dad). Cody is neither. He's got a quiet, steady faith that's pretty much unwavering. But he's not so dogmatic in the faith that he's close-minded and unrelenting when it comes to people who don't believe the same.
9 – Cody's a good teacher. His friend Steven left behind his .22 rifle so we could go shooting. Apart from knowing how to load and pull the trigger, I was no good. But Cody showed me how to aim properly, and I actually managed to hit a decent number of targets. Angela pointed out that he does teach other things. My mother (who I called on the drive home, thanks to awesome hands free earphones-and-mic combo from Rowsdower) was mostly glad I let him into my personal space. Also, he taught me how to drive a stick shift. I was pretty decent at second gear and above, but I nearly killed his car in first gear. He was patient and understanding and explained things well, though.
10 – fun things this weekend include playing airsoft war with his friends, watching movies, going shooting, watching the sunset from Wolvering, hanging out and reading, watching the fireworks up in Idaho Falls on the 3rd (he held my hand as we walked the green belt, which was the first time ever), listening to him play piano, eating breakfast with his grandma and talking crossword trivia (somehow I know what the capital of Tibet is – I think it has to do with Megan liking dogs, which seems unrelated, I know), walking around the park in the sun, playing on the swings.
Also...I finally kissed him. And I do mean I kissed him. It was on Saturday night. He went to hug me, so I just leaned up on my toes and kissed him. It was brief, but sweet, and he was kind of smiling goofily as he left. But then he kissed me goodnight on Sunday, and goodbye today. I tell myself I'd have gotten a better kiss if his grandmother's neighbours hadn't been watching. Curling up with him on the couch watching movies was the best thing ever (Treasure Planet was surprisingly good, as was 1941), because he's warm and sprawls like a big cat and lets me play with his hair, and he pets my hair, and I'm not gonna lie, if his parents hadn't also been watching movies with us, we'd have been snogging on the couch like a pair of teenagers. At least, that was my plan. He seems too polite for that at this point.
Still. I need to get some homework done if I want to be able to call him tomorrow night.
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Date: 2010-07-08 09:40 am (UTC)Secondly, GIRL I'M SO JEALOUS AND HAPPY FOR YOU! Cody seems like a dream from what you wrote. He gave you a mirror! With self-made designs! If that's not sweet than I don't know what is. And he plays a guitar, is as nerdy as you and- and lots of other things! And you seem extremely happy and content with him. Makes me happy too. :D
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Date: 2010-07-09 12:06 am (UTC)