700: MIdnight Epiphanies

So I was sitting here crocheting - and admittedly I should be in bed - when I was struck with a sudden epiphany.

I have short hair.

I know this seems like something of a non-sequitur statement to those who know me or have seen me because, let's face it, compared to a lot of girls, my hair is still fairly long. But to those who've known me a long time, compared to what it was, my hair is short.

Sure, I realized I had short hair the day it was cut - it felt thicker and I could feel the difference in weight and my ponytail bounced when I walked, but the realization I had just now is that my hair is gone. I'll never have it again. It seems unlikely that I'll ever grow my hair out as long as it used to be - because now that it's shorter, it is easier to take care of. I hope that someone who needs my hair has it, that my mailing expedition the day I got my hair cut wasn't in vain, that Locks of Love got fourteen years of my life and a chunk of my identity and made it something worthwhile.

I know I still have long-hair habits, like drawing my hair forward over my shoulder before I sit down (even though I wouldn't sit on my own hair anymore). I can still do some things with my short hair that I could do with my long hair, like braid it. I think this epiphany started churning in my mind on Sunday when I attempted to hide behind my hair - like I do when I don't want to talk to anyone - and I realized that, although my hair is long enough that I can effectively hide behind it, it doesn't feel the same.

I don't feel the same. In some ways I think I've changed for the better.

In other ways I'm terrified that whoever I was before, I've become much, much worse.

Also, finals are coming.

That might have something to do with it.