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Day 110: I'm alive...
Feb. 13th, 2005 05:58 pmAnd not in that grudging way, where it seems that all I am is a shell with a breath rising and falling from its lips. I'm alive in a way that I haven't been in a while, in a way that I have energy and spark and the will to get out and DO something. Even if that something was homework and I went nuts trying to get it all done, I did it.
This last while I'd been living in a sort of suspended animation. I could smile and laugh and joke, but only with the right people, and it took a load of energy and effort and no matter how much fun I'd had with them at the end of the day I wanted to crawl into my bed and cry. Spending Friday and Saturday doing essentially nothing in celebrating my birthday did something for me. I don't know what. I hung out with BenTen and Del until the wee hours of the morning Friday night, and I learned a little bit more about myself than I have in the past. Saturday was fun. I got to talk to my parents. I got to talk to Yutaro-chan. She's going through a rough time, and in talking to her and talking to BenTen and hanging out with Aya, Panda, the Cub and the gang later I've come to realize what friendship is. It's being there for each other no matter what. Let your friends make their choices, let them be who they are, but be there for them come rain or shine. As long as all of you are working together to make each other happy, you'll be fine. And in talking to Yutaro I realized how much I want everyone to be happy.
Whatever bizarre ennuy that was bogging me down and driving me crazy has passed. I'm alive again. Somehow, in some way. I think I have BenTen and Del to thank for that. Just talking to them and hanging around them has made me see what I am and what I can work for. I know I haven't been very forthcoming lately about what's going on inside my head. I haven't posted anything truly personal on here, or written it down anywhere else. When I go into suspended animation I don't matter, and neither does anythingn else.
Maybe it's because it's a new year for me and me alone. It did me some real good to just hear my parents' voices. But whatever was wrong before, I think I'm okay now.
Thanks, everyone, for everything.
This last while I'd been living in a sort of suspended animation. I could smile and laugh and joke, but only with the right people, and it took a load of energy and effort and no matter how much fun I'd had with them at the end of the day I wanted to crawl into my bed and cry. Spending Friday and Saturday doing essentially nothing in celebrating my birthday did something for me. I don't know what. I hung out with BenTen and Del until the wee hours of the morning Friday night, and I learned a little bit more about myself than I have in the past. Saturday was fun. I got to talk to my parents. I got to talk to Yutaro-chan. She's going through a rough time, and in talking to her and talking to BenTen and hanging out with Aya, Panda, the Cub and the gang later I've come to realize what friendship is. It's being there for each other no matter what. Let your friends make their choices, let them be who they are, but be there for them come rain or shine. As long as all of you are working together to make each other happy, you'll be fine. And in talking to Yutaro I realized how much I want everyone to be happy.
Whatever bizarre ennuy that was bogging me down and driving me crazy has passed. I'm alive again. Somehow, in some way. I think I have BenTen and Del to thank for that. Just talking to them and hanging around them has made me see what I am and what I can work for. I know I haven't been very forthcoming lately about what's going on inside my head. I haven't posted anything truly personal on here, or written it down anywhere else. When I go into suspended animation I don't matter, and neither does anythingn else.
Maybe it's because it's a new year for me and me alone. It did me some real good to just hear my parents' voices. But whatever was wrong before, I think I'm okay now.
Thanks, everyone, for everything.
