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So the last couple of days have been good. I got useful things done on Monday, like letters and resumés for jobs. Also, I went down to the courthouse with Angela, and we watched the first day of a criminal trial. Sexual assault. It was hard listening to the victim's testimony, but the prosecutor handled it like a pro. As Angela and I walked down to the courthouse, I confessed to her that I still have no clue why I went to law school or ever wanted to become a lawyer. Sitting in the back of that courtroom, watching the girl cry and watching that lawyer do his best to bring her justice and closure, I think I figured out why. It's not going to be an easy road, because my first instinct was to punch the defendant in the face (innocent until proven guilty be damned), but I remember that, for all my cynicism, bitterness, and oddness about life, I still believe in justice, and when I get out there I'm going to fight tooth and nail for it. Someone just has to let me into the ring first.

At FHE last night I bailed on capture the flag and ended up gaming with my crew. I completely winged the episode, although they think I have some sort of grand master plan. I dig winging it. It doesn't always go well, and most weeks I take pity on them and give them a Deus Ex Machina to rescue them if it seems we've written ourselves into a plot corner, but it's going good, and I think I'm getting along with them better. We made plans to hang out on a not-gaming night just so we can be friends and get to know each other better, and I'm excited for that. I got to talk to Cody, which always makes me happy.

Today I went to the law school and was the final practice judge for this year's Buffalo trial team. Before the trial started, I cracked jokes with Mellili, and it was almost like the old days. For all that he can be terrifying and tyrannical, exacting and cruel, he was a great teacher for me, and I wish I'd had more classes with him. After the trial I had a headache, so I forced myself to eat, and then I slept. I went grocery shopping so I can feed the missionaries on Thursday, and I called my mom while I was at the grocery store. (I called her last night, too, to spaz about the trial I saw go down, and she was awesome and patient about it all.) I crafted and ate after shopping, and I cleaned my flat, and then I went to training. Once again, post-training, I had a civil conversation with SR, which made me happy. I also learned something about myself, something few people realize. I'm not that aggressive or that violent. In fact, I rarely have the requisite aggression for strikes. I usually have to step back, take a deep breath, and hone in my energy before I get in a real good strike. Also, I'm not that violent, not after how alarmed I felt watching SR teach us how to disembowel people with kamas, knives, and even shuriken.

What did I discover last night that warmed my sad fangirl heart? X Japan had their first North American tour. And they're going to release an album here. I am so, so excited and want it to happen so badly. I have been listening to their new song "Jade" obsessively and checking out new videos of them on YouTube and...man. I loved my mom's 1950's growing up, and I liked boybands when I was a little teenybopper, and I will always enjoy The Offspring, and Flogging Molly holds awesome memories for me, but something X Japan has always inspired me, and I love them fiercely. That they could become popular here makes me happy - it means their music will be more readily accessible, and maybe one day I'll actually be able to go to one of their concerts.

X Japan. Love you boys lots. Even though you're not really boys anymore.

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October 2019

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