Day 569: Reverse bungee

So yesterday I was in a pretty bad place. But I called Sei and we talked and she made me feel better. The fact remains that I'm lame at trusting people, and so I don't really properly trust anyone here, so I'm just a little bit tense around them all day, and I can only relax when I'm home. Being with them for nine or ten hours straight is a bit trying, to say the least. I'm doing my best to be patient with them. Not to mention I think President Hinckley's death seems to have hit me harder than I thought it would, which seems a bit lame of me, but now that I realize it I can deal with it. And today I talked to BenTen, too. It's been so long since I've heard her voice. Less than a month, but it felt much longer. It felt so good to hear her voice. And so today I was feeling pretty good - even though it was evil cold outside I was all right. I was going to get so much done. And I came home and got some stuff done. And it's past midnight - I've never been up this late on a school night since I started law school. My concentration is shot. And I'm back to wanting to scream. A couple of hours ago I got up and danced a bit to keep my adrenaline going so I can work, but my head is starting to spin again.

I almost want Brad to shoot me.

I went from rock bottom to sky high to rock bottom in the space of twenty-four hours. It's official - I'm insane. The next time someone comes for me I'll be hanging upside down in a straitjacket alongside Farf.

You know how I know I've hit rock bottom? I'm sitting alone on my couch surrounded by mad South Carolina case law and listening to Into the Woods.

Boom squish.

Day 570: Hit by a truck

That's sorta how I feel. And apparently how my entire legal writing class looked. She showed up fifteen minutes late and let us go half an hour early. I was okay with that. Today I slept in past seven. Didn't have to be at school till nine, and I didn't get to bed till three, so after my alarm clock went off I let myself doze something extra. Contracts this morning was about one third empty. White noticed, let us all have a laugh, and proceeded to tell us some very useful things that, though I may put them in my outline, I will not be able to reproduce for anyone who missed the class. It's cruel of me, I think, because Asian gamers cheat - at games and at school - and I recognize that not everyone has the same robotic working capacity I do, but I rather felt that those who missed classes got what was coming to them. I'm feeling a bit used, as if all Jason thinks of me is a study partner and someone he can crib notes off of. It's starting to annoy me for a bit. But I always capitulate. I blame it on Brad. Ever tried to defy a precog? I rest my case. Dallon was more merciful, although we did some tricky percentage nonsense again in Torts. So glad it's only two credits this semester. And I'm learning to pay attention to the things that matter on tests. Lunch was tame. Sat with Adam and Stacy downstairs. Kim came to say hi. We talked. It was good. We all received emails from Watts letting us know that Con Law was cancelled, so we're having study group late tomorrow. I'm still going to show up and catch up on the homework in which I was behind to do the legal writing project of suck.

Civ Pro sucked. But I sort of think I'm getting it.

Spent two hours after school revising my research notes and outlines - and a good thing I did, because I left off a very important component of my outline. Then spent another two hours tearing my hair out over formatting SNAFUs that are the result of transferring a word document from a Mac to a PC. Wanted to scream. Got done in the nick of time.

I've been dancing again. I danced around the apartment last night to keep myself awake. I've decided I need to get me some poi balls and make sure I know what dances I used to know. It's a bit sad how much I've forgotten. And I loved dancing so much. Still do love it, really. Got a snail mail from Dad today. Written in England on stationary from Bangkok and sent from Hong Kong. Only Dad. Also got a letter from Rosebud, which always makes my day. Snail mail makes my day, really. I'm soooo brain dead, though.

The worst part about that legal writing assignment is that, for all twenty pages of it, it's pass/fail. Wanted to scream.