Day 226: Highs and lows...

This week has had its ups and downs, but I'm getting through it more or less as best as I can. Let's start with Monday.

( Monday )

( Tuesday )

( Wednesday )

Day 226: Taking a high right now...

Yes...multiple entries in a day. I'm meant to be writing my paper for continental lit right now. We'll see how that goes. My emotions are seriously screwing with me, though. I was sort of morose and tired all morning. I had to scramble to get today's previous entry written before I dashed off for class (I skipped institute again). Criminal justice was mind-numbingly dull, so I attempted to get more caught up on the handwritten portions of the novel that I will type up whenever I get the chance and hopefully make my word count "goals." Lunch was short. I didn't see Nick there, but then I reckoned he was probably still asleep, so we ate fast and then Del, Seirra and I retired to my room. To watch an episode of Buffy and write letters. Del wrote her Chris, I wrote my buddy K. Who never writes back. But this is me trying to cheer a fella up. Right after Criminal Justice I swung by the CJ/Poli Sci office to see if I could speak to Professor Franklin for my paper. When I walked into the office he was standing outside his door talking to some students. We exchanged greetings and then he told me he'd heard I was getting engaged. You know that common literary description "heart-stopping"? Yeah. Felt it for the first time. It was like someone had vacuumed all of the air out of my lungs and left me stunned. From the look on my face Franklin knew he was wrong, but mentioned Aya had told him. We made an appointment for half one, after which I ran to lunch, and to check my mail. I lucked out and caught Aya on her way to a chem lab and asked her what the hell she'd said to her Dad. She said she'd only told him that I wanted to take the LSATS and go to law school. LSATS = engagement? I miss the connection entirely. If someone else can figure this out, help me. I'm still sort of reeling. But we hid in my room and watched "conversations with dead people" and wrote. Until half one, wherein I wandered back the GC. I knew Franklin would be late so I sat down on the comfy sofa in the office and drifted in and out of sleep. He arrived at around two and we talked. He's such an awesome professor, and I just like talking to him. To him and Fitz and Tvordi. They're all so awesome. He talked me through some of his experiences as a cop - and he has so many great stories - and then I asked him about the LSATS. He recommended me taking Fitz's logic class if it's not the one I've already taken. He asked me what my GPA was, and said I'm probably ready to take the test now, actually. If I study I can up my chances for a better score, but he says I'm smart now. It weirds me out how everyone - Charlie, Nick, the gang, random professors - believe in my ability to succeed so much more than I do. I'm guessing they can see the big picture and all I can see is my daily stress and work levels. Still, it was weird. I felt a weird and strange and happy, as I seem to do whenever I come away from good conversation with a cool professor, as I headed back to the dorms. I spotted Marty outside the dorms, pacing a circle around the bench near our hall door whilst he talked on his cellphone. Just to be weird I started following him round and round the circle, giggling more and more all the while until he was well and truly freaked out. His pacing made me nervous, but I had fun with it. I said hello to BenTen, who is still ill and repeats that she wishes she were dead, something I told her she probably didn't really mean. And then I decided to see Nick. Just to say hi. His floor still makes me a little nervous, but I managed to make it all the way up the stairs and through the door without crossing myself in a fit of superstitious paranoia. I knocked on Nick's door, and no one answered, and I was about to turn to go when Mike and some boy I didn't know appeared. Mike said that if Nick wasn't answering he was probably in Mike's room, 306, and when I went to knock Nick appeared. He'd been curled up on a sofa in the lobby watching TV. Some weird show about government conservatives versus liberals. I felt like I was five because the host spoke so slowly and didn't use any words with more than four syllables. Half of what she said was outdated, the other half was conservative ideological indoctrination and propaganda. I can't take anything at face value anymore. Between Fitz and Petersen, everything is a text waiting to be picked apart and analyzed and evaluated. Thank the Lord I don't couch people. Not that it's a bad thing, and it's understandable that Del does it, but if I did it on top of everything else I do to a text I think I'd go insane. But hey, I managed to peel myself away from Nick (and score a quick good-bye kiss) and come down here to work. So as soon as I'm done here I will work.

Honest.