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nagi_schwarzYesterday was a really good day for me. It wasn't one of the best days of my life, like the night we all went to see Rent, but it was a very good day nonetheless. Most of this week has been Magic-filled. I have had visits from Chibi and whatnot, and got to spend lots of good quality time with Nick. And with the gang. We have played far too many games of Magic, some of them, annoyingly enough, with Barry. I even got into the spirit of the season and picked up a Christmas CD. Now, whether or not anyone will ever hear it when they come into my room is another story. I like to keep most of my sappy acapella moments to myself. But yesterday was a good day. I got lots of homework done, most of it toward the big Petersen presentation of doom. The books I need from the library to write the paper for the presentation - and later on for the conference in March that I need to tell Rowsdower I'm down for - are all checked out, undoubtedly by other students in my ACM class, so I'm just going to have to wing it as best as possible, perhaps with some help from our friendly neighborhood catboy. I worked on the evil Calland worksheets of doom, which is going to suck because it means I'll have to go back and reread a lot of stuff. Gack! But I'm pretty behind on all that. And then I'm going to have to dig up my ACM notes and see exactly what doom-filled stuff I will need for the Petersen portfolio. One night all of us in Petersen classes who have to do portfolios will have to get together and reread all of each other's stuff to get rid of the typos and then march down to the Mac Lab en masse or something to make sure we're all on track together. I am truly terrified. And in need of some CD-R's. I think I'm going to pitch in with Erin for the pizza party she wants to give Josh during finals week, because he's done so much illegal pirating for me that if he ever gets caught he might as well enjoy his last meal on the outside with friends - I mean, I'm utterly grateful and indebted to him for his l33t #4xx0r 5killz.
Once my brain was ready to implode from too much homework and Josh had stopped by, we broke out the web books and started a character-building party, because we wanted some werewolf and we wanted it now. And Panda had graciously agreed to tell stories for us. We ended up packing up all our gear - junk food and laptops and gaming gear - and heading over to the lightning lounge so we could eat and then finish building characters. We had lots of fun, listening to strange music and building characters. It was funny, because when we went into the lounge a couple of Nick's friends were eating at one of the tall tables, and when we returned to the lounge with our trays of food they had moved to the far side of the room. Now I understand that gleeful feeling Rodney and Rowsdower get whenever they scare people away. Marty and Alison showed up, and we invited both of them to play, but only Marty went in for it; Alison just wanted to watch. Much insanity later, and by then it was seven thirty, we got to playing. Panda is an awesome storyteller, and we were admittedly unruly, talking all the time, but we laughed so much, and that's what makes it all worth it. I had so much fun. We had two Silent Striders by way of me and Nick, two Glass Walkers by way of Aya and Seirra, one Black Fury by way of Del (hahahaha), one Get of Fenris from Marty and one of the Children of Gaia by way of Josh. We were running around the Indian jungle in search of some nifty artifacts for our tribe leaders to fight the Wyrm. We all ended up unconscious - my character spectacularly so after taking a four-box dive out of a tree - except for Nick's character. Only Panda has a twisted enough sense of humor to leave the crack-head, up-on-speed Silent Strider awake to save us all. Admittedly, I might have managed to damage the scary shadow thing if I hadn't rolled to damned terribly - Seirra was right when she said her dice were cursed.
When Panda put the plot on pause it was barely a quarter past nine, so some of us ended up in my room for games of Magic. We played one, in which Nick killed us both (that evil artifact - Seirra, we need some artifact counter spells) and then he announced that Barry had helped rescue his room from being burglarized, so in a moment of gratitude we ended up in the hallway playing magic with him. (Don't worry, Josh, we still love you and hate Barry.) That was probably a mistake. That game went on forever, and I ended up putting people out of their misery just so they could take a break. I hate cheap blue counterspell decks. Gack. For the first time with my deck, though, I managed to get my Dragon Arch and my Rith the Awakener in my hand at the same time. Of course, Barry countered my Arch, and I was pissed - I loved that card way too much for my own good, you know? So there we go. Thwarted in what may have been my luckiest moment ever.
But after that I was really really tired, so I was alseep in bed like a good girl before half eleven.
I just wasn't as eloquent as I could have been last night, mostly due to the impending unconsciousness, but I feel I didn't explain myself properly. See, it's not that Rodney and I aren't good friends anymore, it's more that I don't go to visit him because then it would be with you and Ericka and Rowsdower and I would be some fantastic kind of third wheel. Unless Marty was there as well. And even then it would be weird. I know Rodney likes it when people visit him, but I'm rather disinclined to see him on my own because then it ends up with me smiling and nodding politely while he tells me how stupid I am and I can't take care of myself so he must obviously meddle if I am to survive in this world. See, he's nicer to me when other people are around now, not like how it is for the two of you. I still like him and I think it would be awesome if he stayed, because I am going to miss him, but in the meantime I've become used to seeing Rowsdower outside of the context of Rodney when before if I saw Rowsdower it was because he was more or less with someone else with whom I also associated. As for the soup thing...nevermind him being ill and then wandering around in the bloody cold - I just felt like I was being manipulated, and I hate that feeling. Nevermind that Rodney hadn't been subtle about it at all...I just remember how Alison said she was fully aware of his shortcomings and wasn't going to let him make her feel guilty about herself and I realized that the reason things are a little awkward between me and Rodney is that I have finally realized more of his shortcomings than I was aware of before, and so my view of him has changed and I'm trying to adjust a little. Does that explain it? Like I said, sometimes I have to write things because speech fails me every now and again. I really don't hate Rodney, I don't; he just frustrates me sometimes. And sometimes he makes me hate myself, which I, in true Nagi fashion, then project back onto him, because it's easier to hate someone else than to hate yourself. And we all know that Nagi hating herself can be a very bad thing. Of course, if anyone ever tells Rodney that he can do such to me he'll just laugh and call me weak-minded and I'll hate myself even more, which makes it something of a vicious cycle, and I'm not sure how to get out of it. I feel rather like a hamster running on a wheel at this point. Hrm. I think that says it all.
Once my brain was ready to implode from too much homework and Josh had stopped by, we broke out the web books and started a character-building party, because we wanted some werewolf and we wanted it now. And Panda had graciously agreed to tell stories for us. We ended up packing up all our gear - junk food and laptops and gaming gear - and heading over to the lightning lounge so we could eat and then finish building characters. We had lots of fun, listening to strange music and building characters. It was funny, because when we went into the lounge a couple of Nick's friends were eating at one of the tall tables, and when we returned to the lounge with our trays of food they had moved to the far side of the room. Now I understand that gleeful feeling Rodney and Rowsdower get whenever they scare people away. Marty and Alison showed up, and we invited both of them to play, but only Marty went in for it; Alison just wanted to watch. Much insanity later, and by then it was seven thirty, we got to playing. Panda is an awesome storyteller, and we were admittedly unruly, talking all the time, but we laughed so much, and that's what makes it all worth it. I had so much fun. We had two Silent Striders by way of me and Nick, two Glass Walkers by way of Aya and Seirra, one Black Fury by way of Del (hahahaha), one Get of Fenris from Marty and one of the Children of Gaia by way of Josh. We were running around the Indian jungle in search of some nifty artifacts for our tribe leaders to fight the Wyrm. We all ended up unconscious - my character spectacularly so after taking a four-box dive out of a tree - except for Nick's character. Only Panda has a twisted enough sense of humor to leave the crack-head, up-on-speed Silent Strider awake to save us all. Admittedly, I might have managed to damage the scary shadow thing if I hadn't rolled to damned terribly - Seirra was right when she said her dice were cursed.
When Panda put the plot on pause it was barely a quarter past nine, so some of us ended up in my room for games of Magic. We played one, in which Nick killed us both (that evil artifact - Seirra, we need some artifact counter spells) and then he announced that Barry had helped rescue his room from being burglarized, so in a moment of gratitude we ended up in the hallway playing magic with him. (Don't worry, Josh, we still love you and hate Barry.) That was probably a mistake. That game went on forever, and I ended up putting people out of their misery just so they could take a break. I hate cheap blue counterspell decks. Gack. For the first time with my deck, though, I managed to get my Dragon Arch and my Rith the Awakener in my hand at the same time. Of course, Barry countered my Arch, and I was pissed - I loved that card way too much for my own good, you know? So there we go. Thwarted in what may have been my luckiest moment ever.
But after that I was really really tired, so I was alseep in bed like a good girl before half eleven.
I just wasn't as eloquent as I could have been last night, mostly due to the impending unconsciousness, but I feel I didn't explain myself properly. See, it's not that Rodney and I aren't good friends anymore, it's more that I don't go to visit him because then it would be with you and Ericka and Rowsdower and I would be some fantastic kind of third wheel. Unless Marty was there as well. And even then it would be weird. I know Rodney likes it when people visit him, but I'm rather disinclined to see him on my own because then it ends up with me smiling and nodding politely while he tells me how stupid I am and I can't take care of myself so he must obviously meddle if I am to survive in this world. See, he's nicer to me when other people are around now, not like how it is for the two of you. I still like him and I think it would be awesome if he stayed, because I am going to miss him, but in the meantime I've become used to seeing Rowsdower outside of the context of Rodney when before if I saw Rowsdower it was because he was more or less with someone else with whom I also associated. As for the soup thing...nevermind him being ill and then wandering around in the bloody cold - I just felt like I was being manipulated, and I hate that feeling. Nevermind that Rodney hadn't been subtle about it at all...I just remember how Alison said she was fully aware of his shortcomings and wasn't going to let him make her feel guilty about herself and I realized that the reason things are a little awkward between me and Rodney is that I have finally realized more of his shortcomings than I was aware of before, and so my view of him has changed and I'm trying to adjust a little. Does that explain it? Like I said, sometimes I have to write things because speech fails me every now and again. I really don't hate Rodney, I don't; he just frustrates me sometimes. And sometimes he makes me hate myself, which I, in true Nagi fashion, then project back onto him, because it's easier to hate someone else than to hate yourself. And we all know that Nagi hating herself can be a very bad thing. Of course, if anyone ever tells Rodney that he can do such to me he'll just laugh and call me weak-minded and I'll hate myself even more, which makes it something of a vicious cycle, and I'm not sure how to get out of it. I feel rather like a hamster running on a wheel at this point. Hrm. I think that says it all.
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"you can do it," the little engine said
Date: 2005-12-04 08:11 pm (UTC)Re: "you can do it," the little engine said
Date: 2005-12-05 07:48 pm (UTC)Re: "you can do it," the little engine said
Date: 2005-12-10 02:09 am (UTC)